Maybe we are overthinking and over-planning the whole parenting thing.
I grew up dreaming of living in that house with the perfect blue shutters and the white picket fence, three perfectly interspaced children running around in the backyard and my husband mowing the lawn — the same way a lot of little girls do.
Then I grew up, met my husband, and we did things a bit backward: we got pregnant, got married (while I was seven months pregnant), then moved in with each other when our son was five weeks old. Our life took us to New York City where our son, now eight, lived most of his life. And we just now gave birth to our second child, a little girl, in August.
We, unlike most families, have a big age gap between our kids. While I love the flexibility this has brought us, as our son is a huge help with our new baby, I do hate the reason we waited so long to have our second child — we wanted to make sure that we were completely financially stable before we took the plunge for baby number two.
So earlier this week, when a recent study about women in the UK delaying having kids popped up in a Google search, I felt kinda sad. Whatever the reason (this study in particular focused on education reasons and family background), I say this: If longing for a baby is in your heart, go for it.
I hated those secluded moments when I would be home alone and weep as I scrolled through my social feeds and saw all my friends bringing new babies into the world left and right. Yes, my husband and I were making the “adult decision, ” but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.
So I look back on the moments, those years that we waited to get to this unachievable place where we felt “ready,” even though it never really happens. There will never be a moment where a stork comes to your door and tells you that you are financially or emotionally ready for children. You need to feel it in your heart and go with it.
We wanted to be able to give our children the world. Access to cool clothes, organic meals (formula for our little one), enrollment in whatever activities their hearts desire, and an overall amazing upbringing. But I realized that none of that much matters, as they are all just things and experiences.
None of that compares to the love they can get from their parents, the experience of having a sibling or close friends to play with, or a warm bed to sleep in.
Your kids will love you no matter what.
So I look back on the moments, those years that we waited to get to this unachievable place where we felt “ready,” even though it never really happens. There will never be a moment where a stork comes to your door and tells you that you are financially or emotionally ready for children. You need to feel it in your heart and go with it.
The thing is this: you will make it work.
When our son turned seven, I sorta had an epiphany — I was so ready and needed to put my foot down, knowing that this was the right time. And it was. We got pregnant a few months after trying, and a few short months later I accepted a position that seemed to fall into my lap. Working from home has brought us financial security and new friends. But even if that didn’t happen, we would have figured it out.
So whenever I hear that people are delaying having children because of ______, I can’t help but disagree. These two kiddos have made our life complete, and I know things wouldn't be the same without the ups and downs, challenges, and crazy daily chaos that having our precious little ones brings into our life.